


oh doctor please, this don't feel wrong

by siriuspiggyback



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Body Image, Communication, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oral Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Weight Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:09:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22186855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriuspiggyback/pseuds/siriuspiggyback
Summary: Klaus wants Dave. Dave wants Klaus. It should be that simple, but things never are.(Set several weeks after The Ghost of Us.)
Relationships: Dave/Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves/David "Dave" Katz
Comments: 21
Kudos: 125





	oh doctor please, this don't feel wrong

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first attempt at writing something explicit, so uh. idk if its good, but it's something.

Klaus awoke halfway upright.

That’s how he usually woke, these days. His muscles would wake before his mind, and he would find himself scrambling for his feet before he opened his eyes to see his childhood bedroom, before he could realise that he wasn’t _there _anymore. 

With an almost silent huff, he allowed himself to slip back the warmth of the bed, spindly hands pulling the blankets back up.

“You okay?”

Klaus startled minutely. He hadn’t realised that he had woken Dave up, and he felt a belated slick of guilt in his stomach at it. Sleep was a precious commodity, even here, where it was theoretically an infinite resource. He turned himself to face Dave, who was already watching him with sleep heavy eyes. “Yeah,” he said.

Dave - well, not quite smiled, but he quirked up one corner of his mouth. It was an expression that said more than he had words for, a look of understanding, an acknowledgement of what Klaus hadn’t said. Klaus let out a breath. With a shaking hand, Dave reached up to touch Klaus’ face, so gentle that he almost couldn’t feel it. He ghosted his fingers over his cheek, the line of his jaw. “Beautiful,” Dave whispered.

Klaus turned away. Something sharp and bitter swelled in his throat. “Don’t,” he muttered.

“Don’t what?” said Dave.

“I know-” Klaus swallowed thickly. He had to take a breath to steady himself. He thought, what a strange thing to get so worked up about. “I know what I look like,” he said. 

Klaus had not been able to avoid mirrors in their entirety. He knew he had gained back a pound or two, that his bruises had faded and scars mellowed. His hair was inching out of its rough buzzcut, thinner than before, but growing a little more wild each day. Klaus also knew that none of this was enough to prevent him from looking like a corpse. His skin remained pale and grey, eyes sunken in his skull, cheekbones jutting out. His body was even worse. His joints looked too large for his body, with the stretches between them so thin, so little padding around them. His stomach looked strangely round, now that he had been eating a little more each day, but his hips were still two sharp hills, a valley between them. Looking at himself just reminded him of the bodies he had carried, the ones that had given out before his.

“Klaus,” said Dave. He cupped his palm against the hollow of his cheek, the gesture unbearable tender. “Klaus.”

“Don’t,” he said.

“You are, though. You’re so beautiful.”

“Don’t lie,” Klaus begged.

“Even in there,” Dave murmured. “Even in there, when everything was so- you were still. You were still- they couldn’t take that away. It was in your eyes. Something so _good. _The only beautiful thing there. Sometimes it hurt, looking at you. It scared me.”

Klaus twisted around to kiss him. 

It was sudden and a little rough, clumsy in its execution. They had kissed before, of course, and often, when they were sure that they were alone and no one would see. They kissed in the morning when they woke up, and at night before they slept, each kiss a small rebellion, a _fuck you _to everyone who would have beaten them for looking at each other a moment too long. This kiss, however, was the first one that had real desire in it. More than affection, more than hope, this kiss held a want for more, a breathless need to touch, to be touched.

Dave kissed him back feverently, one hand tangling in the dark locks of hair at the back of his head, hiding the mess of scar tissue there, the other skimming down the line of his waist. Klaus pressed back into him, winding himself around him, ankles knocking under the covers. Dave squeezed his hip, gentle, careful of how fragile he was still, and Klaus gasped in reply, mouth parting. Dave’s tongue met his, hot and wet and languid.

“Beautiful,” Dave said against his mouth.

“Are you-” uttered Klaus. “Do you-”

Klaus had never felt so unsure. These sort of things had always been easy before- a wanting look under the dim lights of a bar, a club, a rave, and with a flutter of his eyelashes and sway of his hips, he knew he had landed himself a bed for the night. With Dave, it had been so different. Everything had been saturated with terror, and shame, and then exhaustion so heavy that they could barely muster the energy to speak. Dave had been important, right from the beginning, but the question of _attraction_ had never even passed his mind.

Even now, with time to recover and be safe, be _together, _it hadn’t crossed his thoughts. His body was still a wretched thing, aching and slow, something he had detached himself from. Sure, Klaus still had eyes, still often found himself quietly watching Dave, the nimble angles of his hands, his mouth when he spoke, and found himself yearning to reach out and touch. Maybe he had forgotten how, forgotten that he could. Even as they lay in bed, sleeping or wishing to sleep, their naked bodies nestled together, neither of them had reacted _physically _in the way Klaus would have before. To be frank, he had all but forgotten that he had a dick. He wasn’t sure if he was still too weak to get hard, or if it was purely mental, if the trauma of being _there _had washed all those things from his head.

If it had been washed away, the tide was coming back in now, slowly but surely. 

“Yes,” said Dave. “Yes, yes.”

Klaus wiggled closer to lay kisses along the cutting line of Dave’s jaw, up to the shell of his ear. The smell of him, warm and clean, was everywhere, and the sensation of stubble under his lips was vivid, pushing everything but this, this, this from his brain. 

“Klaus, but-” Dave said, voice breathy and shaking, “What if someone- if someone-”

Faster on his feet than Klaus had been in a while, he darted up and shoved the door closed in one quick movement, turning back to close the distance between them, every second apart a heartbeat too long, but then-

His lungs seized, and he froze, muscles tensing, eyes widening. Slow, almost comically slow, he turned to look back at his crime. 

“Klaus,” said Dave, his voice holding naked astonishment.

“Shit,” said Klaus. He was torn between the need to tear the door back open, to hide the evidence of his transgression, and the need to shout with joy, with sweet relief at being able to tell the rest of the world to mind its own business for once. He felt dizzy with it, hands tingling, lungs spasming. His bones waited for the jarring pain that he was owed.

Dave said, “You closed the door.”

“I closed the door,” echoed Klaus, eyes still fixed on it. “I- I didn’t mean to, I just-”

“It’s okay,” Dave hurried to say, “It’s okay, we’re allowed to - right? We’re allowed?”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course,” said Klaus, voice unsteady. 

The sound of blankets being shrugged off, of soft footsteps, went unheard by Klaus. The ringing in ears was too loud. As it was, he jumped when warm hands touched his hips. “Hey, we’re okay. We’re okay,” said Dave.

“Yes,” said Klaus, forcing his eyes away from the door. He pushed the air from his lungs. “We’re okay.”

“It’s alright,” mumbled Dave, pressing butterfly kisses against where Klaus’ neck joined his shoulder, reaching up to touch the wing of his collarbone. Klaus allowed his eyes to flutter closed, melting back into his warmth. He hummed contently, and wondered if those little sounds would ever stop feeling like something dangerous. Dave’s hands danced lower, framing his ribs, skimming over his stomach.

Klaus twisted in his arms until their mouths collided again. 

He had been kissed by many people, in many ways. By most accounts, he had been kissed too many times, by too many people. Klaus had thought he had learned everything there was to learn about kissing. Now, though, he felt like a teenager, fumbling their first kiss, scared and wanting, not knowing how to ask for more.

They fell back onto the bed, a tumble of elbows and knees. Klaus snorted at the lack of grace, and Dave laughed at the sound of it, eyes crinkling. Klaus loved the way his eyes crinkled, and told him so in a reverent whisper.

“Klaus,” said Dave, expression lost and undone.

He pushed his way on top of Dave, careful, so careful not to put weight on his bones, his fragile skin. Dave’s hands came up to caress the line of his spine, and Klaus ducked down to mouth against his neck. He could feel his pulse under his lips, fast like a hummingbird. Against his bare thigh, he felt Dave twitch with interest, just barely. “I want to- can I-” said Klaus.

“I- I don’t know if I can…” Dave trailed off, ears tinged pink.

Klaus shook his head against Dave’s shoulder. He babbled, “I know, it’s okay if you can’t- I just, I- I want to taste you, please, I wan’t-”

“Yes,” said Dave, shaking, “Yes, anything, Klaus-”

Klaus inhaled sharply at the way his voice broke, trembling in a way that he had never heard before. He shuffled downward to kiss along his chest, fingers catching on the lines of his ribs, moving under his skin with each harsh breath. He mouthed wetly over one nipple, allowing his tongue to linger when Dave gasped at the sensation.

“Breathe,” said Klaus, eyes twinkling with smug amusement. Dave was easily riled, and Klaus was in love with every little noise he elicited.

“Easy for you to say,” Dave said.

Klaus hummed, leaning down to dip his tongue into Dave’s navel, hands tightening on the ridges of his hips. His arms wobbled slightly under his pitiful weight, so he adjusted himself so that he was leaning on his elbows, hands tucked under the curve of Dave’s back. He tilted to pepper kisses over Dave’s hip bone, rubbed his cheek over the soft skin there, humming in satisfaction when his pelvis twitched upward.

It was only then that Klaus allowed himself to pay attention to his dick. Dave was half hard, flushed and red, and Klaus was desperate to know how he tasted. He leaned in slow, allowing Dave a moment to stop him, eyes flicking upward to read his face. Dave was watching his progress with mouth parted, cheeks pink, eyes wide. He was breathing hard already, despite the fact that Klaus had yet to even touch him there. Klaus felt a thrill of power in the hesitation, watching how Dave was suspended in rapture. Then, when his patience was at its end, he allowed the flat of his tongue to make contact, a teasing kitten lick at the tip.

Dave made a choked, needy sound, cock jumping at the sensation, come beading at the end.

“Fuck,” Klaus said intelligebly, letting the warmth of his breath ghost over his head.

_“Klaus,” _said Dave.

Klaus took a shuddering breath, grounding himself with the protest of his ribs, and ducked back down to tongue at his slit, rolling the taste over, salty and heady. His lips closed around him, only to realise that it was too dry. Klaus pulled back to lick his lips, and then down his length, which was almost fully hard now, before he attempted to swallow down around him, this time slick and hot enough that Dave made a tiny whimper. Klaus could feel Dave’s hips tense in an aborted thrust.

Goaded on by the hushed, swallowed sounds that Dave was making, Klaus pushed himself to take it deeper, keeping his throat relaxed, only to pull off when he brushed the back of his throat. He coughed, out of practice, and giggled, because he hadn’t had a gag reflex since he was sixteen. 

“You okay?” croaked Dave, cautious.

Klaus hummed an affirmative, swallowing down again, bobbing his head tentatively. He heard Dave head drop back onto the pillow, followed by a groan. Klaus tried to twist his tongue under the sensitive head, a technique that he had learned years before, earning a hitching, breathy, _“Klaus.” _Dave’s thighs shook hard, sheets snaking upwards as he twisted his fists clenched in them.

It was only then that Klaus noticed the wet, harsh way that Dave was breathing, the way his name had spilled almost like a sob. Klaus pushed himself up hastily, catching sight of Dave’s tearstained face for just a second before Dave covered it with his hands. 

“Dave?” said Klaus, unsure, a little frightened. “Are you- crying?”

“No,” he lied, shoulders trembling. He took another damp breath, choking on it.

Klaus shuffled up towards his face, hand reached out, hovering uselessly. “Dave,” he said. He wasn’t sure what he had done, where he had gone wrong. 

“Sorry,” said Dave, shaking his head vigorously. “Sorry, I don’t know why-”

“No, no, it’s okay,” Klaus said, stroking a hand through Dave’s short curls. 

Dave peered over his hands, the blue of his eyes in stark contrast to the red lining them. His eyelashes clumped together with tears. He looked beautiful. 

“Come here,” said Klaus, reaching for him with spindly arms, too weak to scoop him up like he wanted. Dave obliged, pulling himself up, tilting until his head rested on Klaus’ shoulder, allowing him to stroke his back, a soft, rhythmic soothing. “Shh, you’re okay, we’re okay.”

“I don’t know w-why, I just-”

“No, it’s okay, I shouldn’t have rushed you,” said Klaus.

“No!” Dave said, “No, you were perfect, you were _so good, _it was just- just-”

“Too much?” suggested Klaus.

A wobbly shrug. “A lot. It was a lot.”

“Okay,” said Klaus, calmer now that he knew what was wrong. “That’s okay, we don’t have to-”

“No, it _isn’t okay! _I want to! I want- I want _you. _I want all of it with you, I don’t know why I can’t-”

“Dave,” he said firmly, mouth turning up in a small smile. “I can’t even get hard.” He made a vague, downwards gesture to where his cock was, just as soft as it was through the whole thing. “You’re already way ahead of me.”

Dave frowned at that. “Well it’s not your fault if you can’t, y’know. But I was actually- and then I just couldn’t-”

“This isn’t your fault either,” Klaus interrupted. “I mean, it’s even normal, probably, after- after everything.”

For a moment, their past hung over them like a shadow, turning everything grey and cold. Klaus wished he hadn’t brought it up, let it stay in history where it belonged.

Dave whispered, almost too low to hear, “I don’t want them to take this from us, too. I don’t want them to- to _win.”_

“Dave,” Klaus said, throat thick, but words sure. “We’re here. Look at us. We’re _here.” _He searched out Dave’s hands, squeezing them tightly in his, their bones knocking together, fingers turning white under pressure. “We’re here, and we’re safe, and we’re together, and I _love you. _We’re still here. How could they have won?”

“Oh,” said Dave, watching Klaus, alight with wonder. Eyes bright and dancing with tears, his face broke into a smile, one hand untangling to cradle the angle of Klaus’ cheek. 

“Yeah,” said Klaus, a little shy in the wake of his impromptu speech.

“You’re right,” said Dave, suddenly, grinning widely. “Look at you. Of course I won.”

Klaus burst into laughter. “You,” he said, pecking a kiss on his cheek, “are _so cheesy.”_

“You love me,” Dave replied teasingly.

Letting out a long breath, Klaus agreed, “Yeah, I really do.” 

And in that moment, he felt victorious.


End file.
